2010 Official DOUGHMAN Quadrathlon Training Plan
Week 1
Monday, May 3 – Run down the street at a tempo effort. Knock on a neighbor’s door and ask for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If they make you one, eat the sandwich, then run home at a leisurely pace. If they don’t, run home at two heart beats above your lactate threshold, then drive to Hog Heaven and order a BBQ Platter. Take a picture of the platter and email it to your neighbor, along with a note that reads “I don’t like peanut butter, anyway. Hog Heaven is way better.”
Wednesday, May 5 – Order a Margarita Pizza from Broad Street Cafe. Take the pizza to your nearest pool. Jump in the pool. Swim one length as fast as you can. Focus on a long reach and good technique. Keep your head level. Breathe on both sides, this is crucial! Get out on the other side. Walk back, and eat the whole pizza. You must eat the crust, even if it does give you curly hair.
Saturday, May 8 – Ride your bike to the nearest grocery store. Use a slightly bigger gear than normal. Your cadence should remain above 70 but below 80. If it dips below 70 you must get off the bike and do ten jump-squats before continuing. If it rises above 80 you must get off the bike and do 15 pushups. Buy a rotisserie baked chicken when you arrive at the store. Go outside and eat the chicken. You can drink some water if that helps. If anyone asks what you are doing, make sure to tell everyone that you are training for the hardest race on Earth. Ride your bike home at any darn cadence you want.
Week 2
Monday, May 10 –Run around the parking lot of your office building at lunch for 15 minutes, attempt to reach your lactate threshold heart rate, then eat as many ice cubes as you can (you should always keep a cooler full of ice cubes in your car, for emergencies that require ice cubes). Take a nap in your car afterwards. When you wake up tell your boss you don’t feel good and drive home to spend the rest of the day with your kids. If you don’t have kids, play your Xbox 360. If you don’t have kids AND don’t have an Xbox 360, you should see a doctor.
Wednesday, May 12 – Wake up early and go to a lake. Stick your toe, or maybe even your whole foot, in the lake. If there is a duck at the lake, quack at the duck. Ask the duck what he thinks of lactate threshold heart rate training. Afterwards, drive to Dos Perros and order a nice plate of Chilaquiles. Enjoy the Green Sauce. Mucho Gusto!
Saturday, May 15 – Ride your bike around your neighborhood for 20 minutes, remaining in the aerodynamic position except on turns, or stops, or if a neighbor asks what you are doing, or if a cop stops you for suspicious activity, or if you just don’t want to, then drive your family to Local Yogurt for yummy yogurt treats. You should order two Breakfast Parfaits and eat them as fast as you can, one for practice, and one just because you like to eat. Watch out for yogurt-induced naps afterwards. Someone else should probably drive the car home.
Week 3
Monday, May 17 – Bring a hot dish like lasagna to the pool. Make sure one of your teammates is with you. Jump in the pool and swim up and back three times at a reasonable pace. Remember, swimming is all about technique. Focus on a good extension and rotation. Remain in the pool and have one of your teammates feed you the lasagna bite by bite as fast as they can. This will improve teamwork and also be something funny for me to laugh about afterwards. Afterwards you can both go to Nosh and enjoy some dessert.
Wednesday, May 19 – Ride your bike for 5 minutes at an easy pace. Run for 5 minutes building into a comfortably hard effort, roughly 80 percent of your maximum heart rate. Ride your bike for 10 more minutes at a moderate effort, keeping your cadence between 80 and 90. Take a hot shower, then take your spouse and family to Locopops for yummy treats. Eat as many as you can and make lots of noise while you do it. If anyone asks why you are making so much noise, tell them you are training for the hardest race on Planet Earth.
Saturday, May 22 –Sleep in. Wake up whenever you want to. Have a huge breakfast. Take a warm bath. Then take a nap. When you get up from your nap, walk around your neighborhood for 12 minutes and 26 seconds. When you are finished, head over to Dain’s Place and order yourself a Goat Meat Italian Sausage Sandwich. You must focus, young Skywalker!
Week 4
Monday, May 24 – This is an important week. You need your rest. You should probably not go to work today. Instead you should stay home and order another Margarita pizza. You might want to go to the pool and layout for an hour or so. Be sure to wear sunscreen. SPF 30 or higher is the best. You should apply it evenly and over all exposed body surfaces.
Wednesday, May 26 – Make sure your bike is in working condition. You can take it out for a 15 minute spin (easy ride). After riding, eat a sandwich and drink a glass of milk. Obviously, you will skip work and spend the rest of the day watching the Cooking Channel.
Saturday, May 29 – Race day. Be sure to get a good night’s sleep the night before. Easy on the alcohol, teams! You should have your team uniform ready to go. If it is not color coordinated you will receive a variable time penalty. This is a big day for you. Try not to eat too much for breakfast. Stay calm. Stay focused. Stay in the moment. You have trained. You have prepared. Be the best you can be. Be the …goat sausage sandwich.
Training schedule provided by:
Marty Gaal, CSCS
USA Triathlon Coach
One Step Beyond Coaching